joshstrange 2 years ago

At first I thought this was kind of "meh" but then I clicked over on the "components" list at the bottom. Dear god, I just spent the last 5 minutes giggling and adding absurd things to the phone. I absolutely love this.

  • sdflhasjd 2 years ago

    Slap the lighting port in the middle of the screen, so you can't use it while charging.

    • bongobingo1 2 years ago

      We've been thinking hard about how we all navigate our expanding digital lives, and we at Apple think the greatest breakthroughs can only occur when we really take time to sit, consider and recharge. In 2017 we introduced Screen Time, a revolutionary way to track your digital usage, putting you in control. This year, we're going one step further and we're excited to announce Recharge Time, only for iPhone 15.

      • IncRnd 2 years ago

        Tim, would you please make sure the right people approve my app? I just sent for approval a wicked cool app that makes old phones new. And, as we know every old phone is a new phone about to be purchased - wink, wink!

        So, here is the app I am introducing for August 2022 - Down Time, only for new iPhones. Down Time monitors all phone inputs, sensors, and the like - all when the phone is "down". This allows the Powerful Apple Silicon inside the iPhone on your desk to generate ML heuristics that map how the phone is used when it is not being used - when it is turned off, charging, left in the car, etc. Of course, the next step is to create local SMS messages and notifications that illustrate which of my other apps in the store will make the phone function better. If none of my apps will run on a phone, I create a red, warning hazard of a notification that says a NEW iPhone must be purchased to continue using this family of apps. It's a WIN-WIN, Tim. Please get this approved right quick!

        • kbenson 2 years ago

          Sorry IncRnd, your app has been rejected on the grounds that it duplicates functionality of a core (about to be) included app. Apple's Relax Time does this, and will be out on the next release.

          P.S. We cross-our-hearts-promise we didn't just start this after we read your submission, and have been working on this for months, if not years. Hell, I'm sure we can find some email or memo from the prior decade that seems relevant if you press us.

          • bongobingo1 2 years ago

            > I'm sure we can find some email or memo from the prior decade that seems relevant if you press us.

            Just a quick Watson search away.

      • nazka 2 years ago

        I need a PDF with all the templates of the ways of Apple of saying things.

      • samstave 2 years ago

        Hey Tim Apple,

        You still owe me a fn Macbook Pro because my "recharge time" included my machine bursting into flames on my bed, and the machine was under recall for bursting into flames, and you refused to replace the machine that burst into flames as stated by the recall, and nearly killed me, could have burned down a house, because of the "moisture sensor"

        What say you, Tim Apple?

    • Shebanator 2 years ago

      The thing I thought was hilarious is that they put in a zillion funny gadgets, but you can't get a USB-C port instead of that godawful Lightning port.

      • sssilver 2 years ago

        As someone who owns dozens of devices with both USB-C and Lightning ports, I find the Lightning port to be significantly superior to USB-C. It is much easier to plug in due to the curves on the sides, easier to plug out, holds in place more strongly, and the port lasts much longer. Why do you call it “godawful”?

        • girvo 2 years ago

          The single factor that makes it awful is that no one else uses it aside from Apple, so I have to have multiple cords of two different types around the house. Annoying!

        • bjoli 2 years ago

          USB2 Speeds. Why have 4k60 video on a device with no good way of getting video off it?

          480mbps half duplex doesn't cut it.

          • snalty 2 years ago

            The port actually does support USB 3. If you look in an iPhones Lightning port you'll see that only one side of the port actually has contacts and that's why it's USB 2 only. Some Lightning iPads support USB 3 and they have contacts on both sides of the port.

          • dzhiurgis 2 years ago

            At least they would improve the sync - why all my photos have to go to cloud first? The device is right here. Cherry picking and sending via airdrop doesn’t scale well.

        • saiya-jin 2 years ago

          Its a horrible thing to have to manage USB for everything and yet another cable just for apple devices. I have met actually 0 people who appreciate this on Apple, everybody hates it with passion and during usual office day there is always somebody hunting for iphone cable to charge his phone.

          For me, this was the reason which swayed me for Samsung galaxy S22 Ultra instead of iphone 13 pro max. Plus that fugly-as-hell notch, I mean phones look like cheap chinese phones from 2015 with it. Literally everybody on the market has figured a better way to do this.

        • beeboop 2 years ago

          i have to own and keep one around literally only for charging my keyboard and mouse, that alone makes it awful

        • sascha_sl 2 years ago

          As with other Apple products (hi AirPods Max) Lightning works fine and well until you take it anywhere the humidity is above 80% for extended periods of time.

          I have more Lightning cables with pin 5 (Vcc) charred than I'd like to admit. At one point in my life it took about 2 weeks per side of the connector until they became unusable.

      • bombcar 2 years ago

        Charging over hdmi is better anyway.

        • Daneel_ 2 years ago

          Just put the headphone jack back on it, then charge via headphone jack like the old ipod shuffles used to!

          Seriously though, I still miss the headphone jack :(

      • agys 2 years ago

        The build quality of the Lightning port is superior, USB-C break much more easily and is susceptible to dust.

        • JoshTriplett 2 years ago

          That's a build-quality issue; I have zero doubt that if Apple put effort into it they could design a USB-C port and USB-C cable that was waterproof and robust to their standards.

    • geoffeg 2 years ago

      Apple Magic Mouse style!

    • noSyncCloud 2 years ago

      Two lightning ports on the screen, so you can charge and listen to music with your audiophile IEMs at the same time

    • Wistar 2 years ago

      I put the front camera in the middle of the screen for the whole eye contact thing.

    • arcticbull 2 years ago

      I turned mine into a skateboard for hamsters with 4 pro wheels valued at $600.

      • simonh 2 years ago

        Since every human on Earth will soon own an iPhone, it makes sense to go for the pet market.

        In hindsight constantly improving the water proofing makes sense. How else will you be able to immerse your goldfish’s iPhone in the tank?

      • nomel 2 years ago

        Providing unprecedented performance and mobility.

    • zimpenfish 2 years ago

      laughs hysterically in Garmin Fenix

    • messe 2 years ago

      *right in the middle of the click wheel.

    • meerita 2 years ago

      I did the same :D

  • squeaky-clean 2 years ago

    I only wish you could attach things to other attachments. My Pro Handle needs a cupholder attached to it.

  • layer8 2 years ago

    I mustered the courage to add two headphone jacks ($200 a pop).

    • pjerem 2 years ago

      O boy, so, no space left for a battery with all those jacks. That must be the brand new iPhone(TETHERED)

    • tomxor 2 years ago

      > $200 a pop

      To make up for the losses in revenue from bluetooth earphones I assume ;)

    • grishka 2 years ago

      How much the first iMac was? It must've been $600 for just the headphone jacks.

    • newshorts 2 years ago

      I’m glad someone had the guts to do it.

  • Teknoman117 2 years ago

    Now presenting the iPhone "oops all cameras"

    • SllX 2 years ago

      Oh. So. Oops.

  • spaceman_2020 2 years ago

    My new iPhone 14 has an antenna AND a steering wheel.

  • cosmojg 2 years ago

    They even allow you to add something called a "headphone jack"! Isn't that hilarious? What an antiquated absurdity! A rotary dial makes more sense on a phone these days.

  • pathartl 2 years ago

    I would love to see price tags added to them as well. Wheels? $100. Handle? $50. Pro handle? $1000.

    Edit: It does update price, but I'd like an itemized list

  • AA-BA-94-2A-56 2 years ago

    The all new Satellite Television Phone from Apple, with power-through-HDMI and long physical antenna for added reception.

  • rconti 2 years ago

    Once I figured out I could drag and rotate, it started making more sense!

  • A4ET8a8uTh0 2 years ago

    The 'pro handle' moment. I genuinely needed this pick up today.

  • ant6n 2 years ago

    Yeah, I love how this silently escalates more and more.

  • russellbeattie 2 years ago

    Googly eyes!! I never realized how important googly eyes are. They make everything more user friendly.

    They should definitely be an FCC requirement.

    • spillguard 2 years ago

      Agreed! My only complaint with this webapp is that the Googly eyes don't jiggle when you rotate the phone.

  • mihaaly 2 years ago

    "adding absurd things to the phone"

    That's how Apple does it, good job!

n4bz0r 2 years ago

Beta males mumbling about type-c this, buttons that. Replaceable battery... LOL.

Here is what real consumers want:

https://i.ibb.co/93dbrmJ/IMG-20220823-223304.jpg

przemub 2 years ago

I love how adding an Apple logo adds $200 but adding an Android one subtracts $100 :D

  • thefourthchime 2 years ago

    I thought you were kidding at first, it totally does!

  • b-lee 2 years ago

    Reputation is earned. And it’s worth

    • EugeneOZ 2 years ago

      iPhone 13 Pro Max is less expensive than Samsung Galaxy S22 Ultra.

jbombadil 2 years ago

I started being silly and just adding wheels and whatnot. Then at some point I decided to try to build exactly the phone I'd like. Turns out it's pretty close to the current iPhones, except:

* Replace the apple logo on the back with the touchId/home button. It can still be shaped like an apple, but please let it read my fingerprint.

* Move the power button to the top.

* Change the lightning port to USB-C (not designed here)

That's... it. It's really not that much, but it would make such an improvement.

  • insightcheck 2 years ago

    Out of curiosity, why would you move the power button to the top? I remember this was the configuration for the old iPod Touch, but with the power button along the side, it's easier to press the power button with your thumb in one-handed use.

    • the_other 2 years ago

      It's way too easy to press it by accident on the side. You can't use the volume buttons to take phots without twisting your hand into some special shape whilst the power button is on the side. It should return to the top.

      • NathanielK 2 years ago

        What about making the power button recessed like on Sony Xperias? If you're really worried about camera ergonomics, you can even add a dedicated shutter button. The "focus on half press" feature might be overkill for the iPhone camera system though.

    • Tagbert 2 years ago

      With the power/display button exactly opposite the volume buttons, it is difficult to just press the power/display button without also hitting the volume up button. Then you either change volume by mistake or do a screenshot by mistake. It was better when it was on the top. alternately, just move the volume buttons to the same side as the power/display button.

      • cgrealy 2 years ago

        If I had a dollar for every time I've done that I'd have...

        checks screenshots folder

        $78 dollars!

      • bee_rider 2 years ago

        This is the most annoying iPhone thing, and it seems weird that they wouldn't have caught it.

    • FabHK 2 years ago

      Power button on top was the old configuration for iPhones, too, for the first 7 generations. It went to the side from iPhone 6 onwards, as the phone got larger.

      "the top button was renamed to "side button" and moved to the side of the phone instead of the top to improve its accessibility."

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPhone_6

    • falcrist 2 years ago

      You could have the home button that was placed on the back of the phone wake it up. I still enjoy my S9+ because of it's well-positioned fingerprint sensor on the back that wakes the phone and bypasses the lock screen.

      I suppose when you're turning the phone off, you can easily shift your grip to hit the top. I still wouldn't think to put the power button there, though.

  • Fnoord 2 years ago

    This tool has a lot of retro concepts but not a lot which got popular in the non-Apple world. For example, there is no hardware keyboard or foldable or something as simple/basic as a microUSB or USB-C port. With the recent MBPs (ARM-based) what did we get compared to previous MBPs and current competition? A non-broken keyboard (non-butterfly), not a touchbar, very long battery life, magsafe, and more commonly used ports. Most of these were fixing regressions, only the very long battery life is innovative and due to 5 nm ARM processor (not visual appearance on the device).

    • scarface74 2 years ago

      And much faster SSD performance and a computer that doesn’t sound like a 747 when you open more than 3 Chrome tabs.

      But the battery life itself is worth it.

  • CivBase 2 years ago

    I did the same thing but with two changes:

    * Home button doubles as the power button (press and hold)

    * Headphone jack at the top

    • the_other 2 years ago

      > Headphone jack at the top

      You're putting it in your pocket wrong.

      • CivBase 2 years ago

        Heh, I guess. My last two phones had the jack at the top, so it's instinctively where I put it. I do like being able to rest it on a surface while holding it vertically with an audio cable connected. But charging it at the same time from the other end is a little weird. I guess in an ideal world I'd put both ports at the top, but I don't think that's what you were going for :)

        • withinboredom 2 years ago

          I wish you could hold the iPhone upside down, at least when charging. It is so prickly when laying down and having the charging cable jamming into your belly (like when reading a book).

        • bombcar 2 years ago

          Top is the right place unless the fone flips itself. Or playing audio in a car is a pain.

          Even keeping a phone charged in a car is annoying now.

          • nomel 2 years ago

            I put my phone into my pocket with the same orientation that it's in my hand, while using it. Hold phone, rotate arm down, stick in pocket. The phone is now upside down in my pocket. If the headphone jack were on the top, you would have to flip your phone first, when putting it in or pulling it out.

            • 867-5309 2 years ago

              but the network antennae are usually located at or near the top of the front of the phone. for this reason I place mine upright, screen facing outwards. headphone socket orientation comes secondary to this

              • nomel 2 years ago

                The antenna is trying to reach something in the distance, nearly horizontal. The 5 inches of height gained by placing it upright will be absolutely negligible. This is easily proven with a signal meter.

                • 867-5309 2 years ago

                  I disagree. from ground level it could be 15-20% higher, which would make a real difference. facing outwards also means not having to transmit and receive through your leg or butt

  • babypuncher 2 years ago

    The power button on top only works if your phone is going to be as small as the iPhone 4. Even with the iPhone 5 I found the button slightly too annoying to reach one-handed.

  • oittaa 2 years ago

    I hate that even Android phones have gone with the under screen fingerprint sensors. If they want to have one under screen, please just add another one behind the phone. It probably costs few pennies extra.

harrisonjackson 2 years ago

If you tried it but didn't click the present button you are missing out. It really puts a bow on your design.

  • roozbeh18 2 years ago

    "This isn't just an upgrade, its a breakthrough"

    • insightcheck 2 years ago

      [SPOILERS] If you click "Present" lots of times, there are other variations too:

      "These are the best iPhones we've ever created."

      "Wow, what an amazing day!"

      "This is a big upgrade!"

  • seydor 2 years ago

    If it was a few years back, Jony Ive reading fortune cookies would be great

doodlebugging 2 years ago

Unfortunately this does not have the option that I would like to see.

The perfect new Apple phone would be one that serves the cheap-ass bastard market or the market for people who aren't interested in carrying a computer in their pocket.

I present to you all the concept for a simple Apple flip phone (iFlipper). It does all the basic communications functions - text, HD single front and rear camera, voice calls and recording - has a long-life replaceable battery, basic keyboard, and a 2"x3" (50mm x 76 mm) HD screen. With this phone they could own the market for cheap, durable phones that can serve as company-issued phones for employees who need to stay connected but don't need to dink around with computing anything on their phones. Basic apps would allow time tracking, location tracking, text and pdf document reading and editing, simple spreadsheet creation and updating for customer invoicing, and note-taking and appointment management apps.

Some of that ends up sounding like a computer but compared to all the things you can do with a normal smart phone, we can dumb things down and still have great phones with broad market appeal.

You could even call them iDumb if you like.

  • amelius 2 years ago

    That would not work for Apple because the iPhone is basically a vending machine in your pocket. Owned by Apple.

    • CharlesW 2 years ago

      On the contrary it would work perfectly for Apple, which still makes most of its money from hardware sales.

  • highwaylights 2 years ago

    iNokia 3210

    • doodlebugging 2 years ago

      Legendary - Nokia.

      I just bought my first iPhone since my Windows phone (Nokia 900? series) battery finally hit the 6 hours on a full charge point and my carrier is obsoleting all 3G by December.

      • highwaylights 2 years ago

        Nokia 3210 is a bit before the Windows phones I’m afraid.

        Greatest version of Snake ever released though!

rchaud 2 years ago

Now THIS is creative!

This is both just really impressive and futuristic feeling from a tech perspective. Works perfectly in Firefox! Can't believe that has to be said these days.

And from a FUN and creative perspective the possibilities are endless. I'm reminded of the Simpsons where Homer designs a car and it's an impracticable monstrosity. I just added a full HDMI port to the iPhone, so I feel like I'm halfway there!

Really well done!

  • monopoliessuck 2 years ago

    Perfectly?

    There's no "download video" button on Firefox, but there is one on Chrome. Looks like the minified source is checking the userAgent in a few spots. I don't know if that's genuinely an issue with Firefox's canvas to mp4 support or something, but it's not completely one to one unfortunately.

    I agree though, it is creative and entertaining regardless.

ClassyJacket 2 years ago

Fantastic! But it's missing the most important thing: USB-C

  • CameronNemo 2 years ago

    Even in our imagination our iPhones don't have USB-C!

  • april_22 2 years ago

    The European Union will force Apple to ship iPhones with USB-C from 2024.

    https://you.com/search?q=eu+usb+c+law

    My guess is that they will remove all ports by then and completely switch to MagSafe

    • xavdid 2 years ago

      > My guess is that they will remove all ports by then and completely switch to MagSafe

      I've heard this repeated a lot and just don't get it. It doesn't make any sense to me from a product perspective- removing the port doesn't seem to get them anything. It's already pretty waterproof, it's already pretty slim (and I don't think the port is the limiting factor there anyway). I just don't get the upside. One could argue that they'll sell a _lot_ of magsafe accessories, but pucks don't don't provide the same flexibility as cords and they must know that.

      Anyway, I've got a $100 bet with a friend going (placed Nov 2020): I think _a_ port will stay, and he thinks it'll be portless by the 2023. We'll see who's right!

    • srg0 2 years ago

      They may also find another loophole: like make iPhone thinner than USB C, or certify it as a health tracker, or increase charging rate to 101 W. That technically moves iPhone into the laptop territory, and different regulations apply.

      "Included devices: a larger range of small and medium-sized devices with power delivery up to 100 watts would be included under the scope of the directive, including e-readers, low-powered laptops, keyboards, mice, earbuds, screens, printers, portable navigations, smart watches, personal care devices and electronic toys (annex Ia Part I RED). Some products, such as smart watches, health trackers and personal care devices, could be exempted if they are too small to have a USB Type-C receptacle. By the end of 2026, the Commission would be required to assess and include other devices that can be charged with the USB Type-C under the scope of the directive."

      https://www.europarl.europa.eu/RegData/etudes/BRIE/2021/6988...

      • sgjohnson 2 years ago

        There is no way Lightning can deliver 101W, so for that one they would need to change the port anyway.

        • airstrike 2 years ago

          Easy. Call it Lightning Pro, with chargers starting at $99. Not included in the box, but you don't need it anyway because they already give you magsafe

          • buryat 2 years ago

            the motherboard won't accept it

    • airstrike 2 years ago

      That would take a ton of courage

    • Cort3z 2 years ago

      I second this. You can already develop on iPhone via Wi-Fi, so you don’t strictly speaking need to have ports any more.

  • grishka 2 years ago

    Should be USB-B, the kind you see on printers.

    • quickthrower2 2 years ago

      Ok, stuff it! lets just use a kettle cord

    • iso1631 2 years ago

      Beats mini and micro

  • OrvalWintermute 2 years ago

    And the 3.5mm Audio

    • TazeTSchnitzel 2 years ago

      Headphone jack is in the components list, keep scrolling!

    • erikig 2 years ago

      pfft - 3.5mm is for amateurs, the iPhone Pro Max should have XLR or 1/4in at least ;)

  • cgriswald 2 years ago

    First thing I looked for and I laughed when it wasn't available but there was a pro handle.

  • lucb1e 2 years ago

    No no, micro-USB is what we're missing, clearly!

  • orangepanda 2 years ago

    Allowing anything useful would subtract from the joke

zw123456 2 years ago

I clicked present without adding anything, my design uses a telepathic interface, you simply think about it. If you see something, the image is transferred to the memory and uploaded to the cloud by simply desiring that occur. No microphone or earphones are needed, no Bluetooth. I call it the tiPhone it will be out in 2031, place your pre-orders now.

  • jxy 2 years ago

    Why do you even need the brick?

    My design directly link your neurons to the cloud. Upload 3D vision, done. Connect to google maps, done. Call your mom, having a conversation without speaking aloud, done.

    iBrain. Think different.

    Directly download to your brain, from a brain near you. Soon.

    • pjerem 2 years ago

      Please don’t watch your baby in its bath, everything you see is matched against a database (rest assured for your privacy, everything is done locally in your brain - except if we need to human check - so you may experience slower thinking at times)

    • zw123456 2 years ago

      Hehe, you one upped me for sure :)

      We are joking around of course, but sometimes interesting innovation comes from weird ponderings.

      I have an experimental cloud phone that has no CPU and uses an FPGA to directly transfer data from a VM in the cloud to the screen. It works, even on 4G but better on 5G. Also, I have been experimenting with transparent OLED.

      My dream would be a device completely cloud based, and hence, unlimited processing and storage. The back of the transparent display would be optical sensors and it would use computational imaging in the cloud, no lenses needed. The audio who knows, MEMS I suppose.

      I think the technology exists; would anyone want such a thing? Who knows, we have seen things like that in sci-fi movies of course.

      • iso1631 2 years ago

        So a dumb terminal hanging off someone elses mainframe?

        • zw123456 2 years ago

          yeah, someone else's power bill, cooling, floor space, capital expense.

    • TheOtherHobbes 2 years ago

      Meh.

      With iMaL Apple knows what you'll be thinking before your neurons do.

      An extra brain but without the squishy mess. And with thousands of videos of brightly coloured middle class people smiling to jaunty music.

      Forever.

      Are you ready to think different, like billions of other users?

      Only $99.99 a month. (But you already knew that.)

      • zw123456 2 years ago

        Oh, but if I share all my inner most thoughts and feelings, you say they will pay me $99.99 per month for sharing that information? Oh, I have that backwards, don't I? Eshh, now I suddenly see the light! Thank you! Wink.

  • ancientworldnow 2 years ago

    I know hn frowns on this type of comment but you really should have called he the psiPhone.

    • zw123456 2 years ago

      no, frown, me dumb. ELI5 it for me :)

      • elwell 2 years ago

        Not pounds per square inch, 'psi' as in ESP/psychic

mchusma 2 years ago

No USB-C option that I could see. I currently have an Android with USB-C and a MacBook Air and having the same port for both devices is so luxurious when traveling. This plus an Anker charger/ battery hybrid means I never run out of juice and travel light.

https://www.anker.com/products/a1651 (no affiliation just a fan)

  • scarface74 2 years ago

    A $14 cable that has USB A and USB C on one end and USB C and lightning on the other. It does data at USB-A speeds and power up to 60W

    https://www.amazon.com/dp/B092ZT8CJ9?

    Unfortunately, because of the shit show of the USB C “standard”, it’s far from universal. It doesn’t do video over USB C for my portable USB C monitor, doesn’t do 10Gbps data nor does it do 100W charging for my MacBook Pro 16.

    For that you need this

    https://www.amazon.com/dp/B093YVRHMB

aendruk 2 years ago

Missing: removable battery, USB-C port, microSD card slot, dual SIM card tray, speaker and microphone(s), ear proximity sensor and/or face scanner

I’m assuming the home button can function as a rear fingerprint reader.

  • TheJoeMan 2 years ago

    Granted. The internals now take up so much space only a 500mA battery can fit and the phone lasts 2 hours on a charge.

    • boogies 2 years ago

      My Pinephone has all those features except the dual SIM card tray, and the battery’s capacity is rated 2,800mAh / typical 3,000mAh. The fact that it can burn through that in as little as an hour if held just right (with max brightness, volume, and load on the GPU, CPU, RAM, and separate modem CPU with the default nonfree, inefficient firmware; and not using the separately sold keyboard case with 6,000 more mAh) is a great incentive to limit its addictive effects.

    • aendruk 2 years ago

      “Missing” from TFA which includes a propeller and cup holder. Half of the list is in existing iPhones today.

kretaceous 2 years ago

This is so lame. Apple would never allow a 3.5mm jack even in a parody app.

(j/k, fun stuff as always by Neal)

imd_xyz 2 years ago

Only thing I’d change is moving the volume buttons to the right side with the power button. The number of times I’ve taken a screenshot trying to un/lock with my left index finger is astronomically high.

And USB-C.

  • closetohome 2 years ago

    Or putting the power button back on the top. Or going back to the iPhone 5's round volume buttons.

    Both the placement and shape of the buttons leads to accidental presses and the inability to easily identify them by feel. Almost anything would be an improvement.

  • mulmen 2 years ago

    Also try actually using the level.

neilv 2 years ago

No other industrial design affordance says "you're holding it wrong" like spinning blades.

  • CarVac 2 years ago

    "you're not supposed to hold it at all"

NaturalPhallacy 2 years ago

I didn't realize adding components added to the price. Here's my $6,900 iPhone: https://i.imgur.com/6yB14mx.mp4

  • spiznnx 2 years ago

    Adding an android logo reduces the price by $100. You could add 69 android logos to that phone and bring it down to $0!

teucris 2 years ago

I love how there is a copter blade and a rotary dial but no USB options of any kind.

preinheimer 2 years ago

That was fun. Just like the TLD.

More of this internet please.

  • hk__2 2 years ago

    There are a lot of similar games on the same website: https://neal.fun/

    • aaaaaaaaata 2 years ago

      "Draw popular logos" was a laugh.

      Post the code so someone can put a score to it!

mulmen 2 years ago

I put the volume and power buttons on the same side but then made sure to put the cupholder just under them so you can have a picture of every instant you hit a pothole.

In a future version of iOS Apple will share your iCloud photo library with your municipal road department. They can correlate these screenshots to dispatch repair crews. I'm sure this protects children somehow.

A Pro Handle would actually be pretty nice though, especially if it could be stowed like the antenna.

lxe 2 years ago

Everything from Neal Agrawal brings much-needed whimsy into the world.

  • erikig 2 years ago

    I have spent so much time on https://neal.fun/rocks/ that I should be a little embarrassed, yet I'm so calm and I've had so much fun, I'm not.

schainks 2 years ago

Please update this with a mini-usb port or firewire port, just to troll.

  • function_seven 2 years ago

    I would like to have a DB-25 serial port on my phone, but I'm willing to compromise. Give me a 9-pin and I'll grudgingly carry around an adapter.

    • exikyut 2 years ago

      Oh dear, I just realized you could 3D-print a viable phone case with one at the bottom without too much of a bezel ._.

      okey dokey that's enough awake for me today, time to go to sleep I think lol

    • amlib 2 years ago

      A GPIO header will do

uncharted9 2 years ago

I was trying hard to search ways to share the video and found out that the "Download video" button is only visible in Chrome or Safari and not Firefox. I love everything about Neal's site but I wish supporting the three major web browser engines shouldn't be the big deal. I've seen the writing on the wall now and I should probably jump ships off FF to anything based on chromium.

  • icemelt8 2 years ago

    How can i down vote

    • londons_explore 2 years ago

      Here we vote based on whether the comment adds anything to the discussion, not whether you agree with it.

    • grzm 2 years ago

      You need karma > 500.

jeroenhd 2 years ago

One thing I'm missing that I'm still amazed the iPhone lacks: an under-screen fingerprint scanner. Behind-the-screen cameras are not ready for prime time, but surely Apple can please the fingerprint fans quite easily? They can even pretend they invented it by placing it on a weird position and saying it's revolutionary because no iPhone user has probably ever seen it before.

  • bombcar 2 years ago

    I am waiting for handprint scanners built into the entire phone.

    Case manufacturers will cry.

  • Andrew_nenakhov 2 years ago

    My Moto Z4 has an under-screen fingerprint scanner, and I absolutely positively refuse to ever have a smartphone without such scanner. It is the best possible placement.

    • dsr_ 2 years ago

      It's okay, but on the back in an indent is better.

      • Andrew_nenakhov 2 years ago

        Absolutely not. You can't unlock it without picking up. Like you are drinking coffee and the phone is resting nearby and then you need to unlock it to see some notification. With front mounted sensor you just gently touch it, and that's it.

  • CamperBob2 2 years ago

    Probably blocked by somebody else's patent.

    • jeroenhd 2 years ago

      If it is then surely Apple can spare the money to buy a license or they can buy the components themselves from a licensed manufacturer. There are many brands that include under screen fingerprint scanners, I don't see why Apple couldn't be one of them.

smoldesu 2 years ago

Is the joke that they came up with 18 useless features without mentioning USB-C?

  • can16358p 2 years ago

    Useless? I use the quadcopter features of my iPhone everyday after driving home... with iPhone's steering wheel.

    • smoldesu 2 years ago

      I didn't mean to offend anyone, I don't even know how you're supposed to take the thing with you without the Pro Handle. Just wish there was a good way to plug it into my other devices...

      • can16358p 2 years ago

        Add an Apple logo middle of the screen and it will connect to all Apple devices magically using dark witchcraft. Add an Android logo and boom, you now connect to almost all smartphones. Whatever you do... do not touch the pear logo.

      • slimsag 2 years ago

        That's fair, but you have to admit - the triple headphone jack, side-facing cameras, and dual power buttons (for 2x the power) were nice touches.

  • 88840-8855 2 years ago

    How is a based 90s antenna a joke to you?

    I would take it anytime over some weird USB-C!

    • lkois 2 years ago

      And why is it called USB C anyway? It's not shaped like a C at all!

      • incahoots 2 years ago

        It's 2 Cs touching each other!

    • KMnO4 2 years ago

      I used to have a phone which allowed me to plug an external antenna into the USB port.

      I sorely miss that.

      • alanbernstein 2 years ago

        Moto g phones used headphone cables as FM antennas. Not sure if they still do though.

busymom0 2 years ago

Here's my creation:

https://i.imgur.com/UuctWcW.png

Chopper blades act as a fan to keep my cool on hot summer days.

Steering wheel can help with left and right swiping on tinder.

Joystick for scrolling.

Wheels for easy portability.

And of course a rotary phone for doing the most important job of calling people.

Add 4 android logos and get it for free.

screwgoth 2 years ago

The whole neal.fun site is awesome !! WARNING: Be prepared to forget about the next 30 mins. of your life.

rekabis 2 years ago

I would love to see an entry-level-spec, large-screen version for seniors and those with vision issues where high resolution is next to useless.

No-one seems to be building such a phone, probably because most people in their 70s and above either don’t have a cell phone, or still rock a low-tech flip phone with physical buttons.

My own father (83 this year) would love a low-resolution screen the size of the iPhone Pro Max, just without the bells and whistles and “Pro” aspect of the Max.

Hell, if the iPad mini could be turned into a fully-functional cell phone without relying on VoIP hacks, he’d likely jump at that.

exikyut 2 years ago

Awww, on my old(ish) laptop this is throwing

  10:00:39.093 WebGL: INVALID_OPERATION: useProgram: program not valid
  10:00:39.093 WebGL: INVALID_OPERATION: drawArrays: no valid shader program in use
Yeah I think this requires WebGL 2 :(
notum 2 years ago

Even the fantasy dreamland design tool doesn't have an USB-C option.

mcqueenjordan 2 years ago

Fun little easter egg:

In the reflective elements, you can see the reflection of an image. I believe the image to be a panoramic aerial photo of the 1 Infinite Loop Apple Campus in Cupertino, CA.

  • lucb1e 2 years ago

    Building windows in both Transport Fever 2 and Derail Valley show the same cityscape in their reflection if I'm not mistaken. Also if the building is in front of a tree or middle of nowhere. Kinda cheap imo, but apparently few enough people notice that they don't care to make it better, so I also feel a little special.

Ninjinka 2 years ago

Broken for me. Don't see a phone and can't drag pieces. EDIT: In Chrome:

Refused to execute script from 'https://neal.fun/_nuxt/pages/design-the-next-iphone/index.a2...' because its MIME type ('text/html') is not executable, and strict MIME type checking is enabled.

  • barsonme 2 years ago

    You should mention which browser and OS you're using. Otherwise, your comment isn't very useful.

  • Kamogo 2 years ago

    Hi creator here, what browser/OS are you on?

    • Ninjinka 2 years ago

      Windows 10, Chrome 104.0.5112.82

  • cianmm 2 years ago

    It didn't work in Safari for me, but did in Chrome.

  • kemayo 2 years ago

    Also didn't work for me, in Safari on macOS.

andrew_ 2 years ago

Fingerprint scanner on the side please, ala Galaxy S10e.

DelaneyM 2 years ago

Am I the only one who opened the tool and thought: "this, this is perfect, add nothing!"?

Why isn't there a phone yet with no ports or power plugs of any kind (wireless charging and software power/reset), flush rear camera, hidden front camera?

It feels like that's the inevitable end of the current evolutionary tree, and all the technology is there and reasonably economical.

  • SllX 2 years ago

    If we’re lucky, literally never on some of that without the technology being vastly superior to what we have today. What’s possible and what’s good aren’t always the same thing.

  • dmitrygr 2 years ago

    > software power/reset

    And if your software hangs? Hard buttons are a nice safety. Even one can be wired to some simple microcontroller that'll power cycle the entire device is held for 30 sec or some such thing. Doing it via a much more complex interface (touch, etc) isn't as foolproof

  • zw123456 2 years ago

    I posted that farther down in the thread. Yes, I thought the same thing.

    Sorry for the repetition, but this is a little dream of mine.

    I have an experimental cloud phone that has no CPU and uses an FPGA to directly transfer data from a VM in the cloud to the screen. It works, even on 4G but better on 5G. Also, I have been experimenting with transparent OLED.

    My dream would be a device completely cloud based, and hence, unlimited processing and storage. The back of the transparent display would be optical sensors and it would use computational imaging in the cloud, no lenses needed. The audio who knows, MEMS I suppose.

    it would look like just a simple pane of glass

    • lostgame 2 years ago

      Absolute nightmare fuel. I would pay a lot to never have a device like this.

      I want more control over my hardware and software, not less. I want less connection to or dependence on any sort of ‘cloud’.

      Give me liberty or give me a dumbphone.

      • zw123456 2 years ago

        Hmm, ok, fair enough.

        good feedback. TY

    • donkarma 2 years ago

      that sounds absolutely horrid, imagine scrolling and then your display jumps to 200ms or your cloud provider drops you and your phone is bricked

      • zw123456 2 years ago

        Ah no, not with edge compute, think MEC. Nope, I have a test VM on wavelength, under 4ms over 5G :)

        • zyx321 2 years ago

          It works as long as you are the only user.

          It makes my head spin to imagine the amount of bandwidth required by a few hundred people, barreling down the countryside at 180km/h.

          Not just on the down link, but roaming potentially terabytes per user from edge node to edge node simultaneously.

modeless 2 years ago

The best joke is that it doesn't have USB-C.

johndhi 2 years ago

Tim Cook jumping on screen killed me

aceazzameen 2 years ago

Not only did I add a headphone jack to mine, but I added 5 more of them! This is awesome.

  • SllX 2 years ago

    I put one right at the top of the phone smack dab in the center just underneath the handle.

    I think users are really going to love it.

  • quickthrower2 2 years ago

    How else are you going to record your band’s music?

    • bombcar 2 years ago

      An iPad that can be a digital mixer without the external box hmmm

hessan 2 years ago

I wonder if apple will use this in the future, maybe even use customer input to redesign their products. I dont think so, but i wonder what kind of weird designs that would result in

bgdkbtv 2 years ago

I took it seriously when adding elements from the first page of the elements slider. Then... I scrolled to other pages with other available components and my sides went into the orbit.

iso1631 2 years ago

Shut up and take my money

Seriously, power, volume, silencer, lightning, 3.5mm jack, home button on the back for touch-id, what more do you want (well maybe usb-c instead of lightning)

lizardactivist 2 years ago

Haven't had time to try it yet, but please tell me you also get a video of Jonathan Ive crying and talking about it when you press "Present"?

antioppressor 2 years ago

No wonder the design head was axed. The phone is like a Porsche. Looks the same since its inception. They are in constant angst mode about the looks, ooh what will happen if we make drastical changes... so it will stay and look the same. They don't want to disturb the cash cow.

But of course it gets pricier year after year.

Design iterations and UI is something like this: Look we've changed the window's bezel by 1 and a half pixels, now it's much better. 3 generations later: we changed it back the way it was, retro style, wow! Now everyone APPLAUD the CHANGES and hand over the money!

matt_heimer 2 years ago

This makes me wonder if someone will ever add front facing cameras to every side of a phone to support taking photo sphere pictures in a single click.

stereoradonc 2 years ago

Apple excels in marketing a useless slab of junk. I am surprised how many people falling for it, swear by the "ownership experience"

  • Daneel_ 2 years ago

    There are fewer downsides to the iphone for me. That's all there is to it. If Android polished their corners a bit more and more manufacturers offered better quality handsets with stock or near-stock android, and better post-sales support, then they'd be in the running.

  • thebitstick 2 years ago

    I am a happy iPhone user after switching from Android 2 years ago after using the platform since it existed.

swyx 2 years ago

i was so delighted to find it has a video export but Twitter is not letting me tweet the video - as far as i can tell this fits under all their requirements - anyone else have the same problem?

Edit: ah you just have to run it through one of these things https://clideo.com/editor/resize-video

himanshuy 2 years ago

Fun to add any silly components and click on "Present". Tim Cook be like "This isn't an upgrade, its a breakthrouuuugh.

walterbell 2 years ago

Excellent imagineering :)

Please add kill switches for radios (WiFi, cellular, BT, UWB), microphones and cameras (rear, front, FaceID IR strobe).

dimitrios1 2 years ago

How many of us added a border of notches around the entire phone and filled the backside with cameras? Or was that just me?

mikewarot 2 years ago

I had stereo cameras on both sides, headphone jack, power, mute and volume buttons... along with the HOME button. 8)

quickthrower2 2 years ago

Feature request: allow another degree of rotation so that we can see the google-y eyes roll. Also: xeyes please.

achenatx 2 years ago

Im looking for a phone with no or limited screen that is as small as possible that has very long battery life.

It could connect wired/wireless to video glasses, handheld screens, TVs, or whatever for video. It could connect to headphones, cars, etc for audio.

IO could be done on the screens, finger sensors for gestures, voice command, or even neural commands.

essentially remove the screen from the phone and let me choose a visual IO method based on my needs.

  • clairity 2 years ago

    that's apple's long term goal, to realize pervasive personal computing. that's why they released siri, airpods, the watch, and faceID (and even the future glasses), as waypoints to that exact future. they probably won't get rid of screens, but will minimize their use over time.

tuatoru 2 years ago

My wife has been wanting a phone that will follow her around by itself. The helicopter blade is just perfect!

pwpw 2 years ago

This is a great use for three.js. I've been actively learning it and am excited to see it in the wild.

travisgriggs 2 years ago

I wish the "Present" feature would make my copter blades slowly rotate. But it's all genius.

rendleflag 2 years ago

Am I the only one that opened up the page, saw the blank phone, and said "no changes needed"?

imwillofficial 2 years ago

My iPhone had a centerline antenna, googly eyes and a click wheel.

I can now die in peace, all is right with the world.

pvinis 2 years ago

Oh noooo you can't share creations?

I wanna see what people make and share my amazing/terrifying creatuons!

jordanmorgan10 2 years ago

Ah yes, this is one of "Wow, I thought my website was cool" moments. Incredible!

cainxinth 2 years ago

Anyone else try to figure out what the reflection texture is? I think it's Apple Park.

Koshkin 2 years ago

Just switched to an iPhone (SE) after, well, an eternity with Android, love it so far…

  • mrweasel 2 years ago

    Sadly I think it will be the last iPhone with a home button.

    Interestingly enough the site doesn't allow you to create a bigger bezel, so you have a place to put your home button.

martin1975 2 years ago

Where's the 'Working VPN without "Always on VPN"' button?

fb03 2 years ago

Bummer. I tried adding Temple OS to mine but couldn't find that option

aliljet 2 years ago

This is really a cool little interface. How was this made! I want to learn!

  • rabuse 2 years ago

    It's made with three.js

irrational 2 years ago

Where is the option to make it doubly thick to fit a huge battery inside?

dwaite 2 years ago

I put a headphone jack -into- the notch.

I don't even know what to complain about now.

wallrussianera 2 years ago

It's so fun, but there's no option to add a speaker grille!

hit8run 2 years ago

I ejected from this status game and went utilitarian: iPhone SE 3.

jsight 2 years ago

Where's the button to make it unapologetically polycarbonate?

renonce 2 years ago

The components used seems to affect your starting price as well.

w_for_wumbo 2 years ago

If you click present, is that the Apple HQ in the reflection?

tomjakubowski 2 years ago

The reflected background is oddly familiar, almost blissful…

wingmanjd 2 years ago

I think the volume and power button labels are reversed.

matt-by-nature 2 years ago

The available options just keep escalating. Brilliant.

slantedview 2 years ago

No notch, rounded edges, and the rest is just gravy.

0xbadcafebee 2 years ago

Can I make mine without a screen? Actually serious.

insane_dreamer 2 years ago

Definitely bringing back the iPod-style click-wheel

Ayesh 2 years ago

Glimpsing at the fun and goofy Internet we missed,

habi 2 years ago

Lost it at 'steering wheel'. Very funny!

gsanderson 2 years ago

Simply excellent. I finally removed the notch.

  • dendrite9 2 years ago

    I added a notch on each side in the lower half. One for power and one for volume.

anta40 2 years ago

Hmmm... pro handle? joystick? steering wheel? Copter blade?

why? WHYYY????

:D

  • xtreme 2 years ago

    If you ever find yourself asking "WHY???", the answer is probably "Why not?"

cosmiccatnap 2 years ago

Even in a fantasy I can't get usbc

nurumaik 2 years ago

It needs "view in AR" button

laszlokorte 2 years ago

This needs a way to share the results!

  • latexr 2 years ago

    Present (top right) → Download video (bottom centre).

    • laszlokorte 2 years ago

      Oh, the button does not show up for me :(

      • slimginz 2 years ago

        Looks to be a Firefox thing. I just tested in both Chrome and Safari and the download link was there. Not in Firefox tho

whitelabrat 2 years ago

Headphone jack. Mine will have that.

Waterluvian 2 years ago

Sure, but how do I make it thinner?

Miserlou57 2 years ago

hey! those corner blends aren't G3 Flow continuous. Get that G1 Tangency out of here!

arendtio 2 years ago

How do I change the software?

bishalpaudel 2 years ago

My iPhone turned into a car-copter

ajaimk 2 years ago

Jony Ive is tossing in his grave

factorialboy 2 years ago

Where USB-C?

  • brk 2 years ago

    You can add a rotary dial, copter blades, and wheels. But a USB-C is too silly even for a parody, that is just taking it too far.

    • function_seven 2 years ago

      Pull Request:

      Add more items to the feature palette: USB-C (TB3), USB-C (DP2.0), USB-C (PD), USB-C (TB & DP2, no PD), USB-C (DP2 and PD, no TB), USB-C (HDMI)

      Only one graphic/model needed for all of them, so this PR should be easy.

h2odragon 2 years ago

Every phone needs googly eyes.

smm11 2 years ago

Just copy the latest Galaxy.

jscipione 2 years ago

I just wish it had no notch.

  • tomxor 2 years ago

    I'm sure they could add a no-notch option (for $200).

SergeAx 2 years ago

No USB-C, like I thought.

seydor 2 years ago

Great! How do I print it?

  • thenthenthen 2 years ago

    Like kicad plot, bom, gerbers, drill holes, i agree!

bobnerd 2 years ago

Android logo. LOL.

tomcam 2 years ago

SHARE BUTTON PLZ

7kmph 2 years ago

No BB keyboard?

mosmn 2 years ago

hahaha this is cool

pmcollins 2 years ago

I put the power button at the top so that I don't accidentally take a screenshot when I want to change the volume. Somebody please give me a design job at Apple.

I still don't understand why Apple moved the power button to the side opposite the volume buttons.

  • plugin-baby 2 years ago

    Engagement with the screenshot function has really improved since that button was moved, and someone somewhere got a nice promotion.

    • cafed00d 2 years ago

      If this were Google where PMs ran feature development willy-nilly, then I bet this would've been true. Luckily, Apple's design team still has enough pull; so the MBAs haven't taken over everything.

      • xadhominemx 2 years ago

        It’s really funny you think the MBAs have less sway at Apple than Google. Apple is a penny-pinching company literally run by a supply chain exec with a Duke MBA. Google is a freewheeling engineer-led culture with zero interest in cost control.

        • cafed00d 2 years ago

          The design team at Apple is still super influential. I should’ve probably clarified in my previous post: I work at Apple and over the years made good friends with writers on the team. We worked very closely in some Siri teams I was on.

          Anyways, we still catch up once in a while and from what I gather the design team is truly organized to value the art and outcomes far far more than chasing promotions and titles. As an engineer, I can assure you I feel a very different vibe in the eng org; chasing after promotions is still a part the career “mindset”. Even amongst all my eng friends here. In all fairness though, that’s how all big tech eng teams in the Bay Area or Seattle are organized. Engineers are incentivized to get promoted to dissuade “rest and vest”.

          Anyways, my larger point is: yes, design team at apple is def the most powerful and has final say on features. Of course, the MBAs run everything else from financial analysis that determine designers’ raises to operations in the supply chain. Someone’s gotta turn the magic into reality, after all ;)

        • solardev 2 years ago

          Can it be both? The engineers create a new chat app every year, then the MBAs take it over next year and "optimize" it into the ground and all the engineers flee, but that's ok because the cycle will repeat shortly.

  • franl 2 years ago

    Probably because phones are massive now, and the side is the only place the power button can be pressed while holding the phone with one hand.

    • bnt 2 years ago

      But you only need to "power" it once in like a month. You "turn it on" by tapping the screen. You "turn it off" by putting it aside or in your pocket. Power button on the side is a weird choice.

      • franl 2 years ago

        Yeah you might be right. There are “weirdos” like me who power it on and off every day though :) Who knows what their rationale truly was, just seems like a case where the bad physical UX of a huge screen on a phone was compensated for by placing a button in a non-standard location. Oh and the power button is also used to quickly lock the screen, so that’s something probably used more often than turning the device on/off.

  • whywhywhywhy 2 years ago

    My photo library has hundreds of screenshots of alarms going off because every time i pick it up to turn the alarm off half asleep I take a screenshot

  • hugi 2 years ago

    Heh. Incidentally I just finished my weekly "delete all the accidental screenshots" session.

  • stavros 2 years ago

    Aren't the power and volume buttons switched there? The long one is volume, no?

  • kbouck 2 years ago

    ... or inadvertently turn off your phone while intending to take a picture

  • ckolkey 2 years ago

    All. The. Time.

  • layer8 2 years ago

    I switch my phone off 20% of the time I want to take a picture.