njharman 11 years ago

"This coffee falls into your stomach, which, as you know from Brillat-Savarin, is a sack whose velvety interior is lined with tapestries of suckers and papillae. The coffee finds nothing else in the sack, and so it attacks these delicate and voluptuous linings; it acts like a food and demands digestive juices; it wrings and twists the stomach for these juices, appealing as a pythoness appeals to her god; it brutalizes these beautiful stomach linings as a wagon master abuses ponies; the plexus becomes inflamed; sparks shoot all the way up to the brain."

That is some damn fine writing there.

  • toufka 11 years ago

    You left off the better part of the story!

    On the drink [finely pulverized, dense coffee, cold and anhydrous, consumed on an empty stomach] mentioned above.

    "I recommended this way of drinking coffee to a friend of mine, who absolutely wanted to finish a job promised for the next day: he thoughthe’d been poisoned and took to his bed, which he guarded like a married man. He was tall, blond, slender and had thinning hair; he apparently had a stomach of papier-mache."

    • wazoox 11 years ago

      The translation is apparently inaccurate, it would be better as "and took to his bed, which he guarded like a bride".

      • gcb0 11 years ago

        both ways, i completely miss the meaning.

        • zensavona 11 years ago

          A married man's wife resides in a married man's bed

          • hueving 11 years ago

            However, they may be different married men.

        • pyb 11 years ago

          The original is "garder le lit comme une mariee". It's hard to know as it's semi-colloquial 1830's French, but I would understand it in the sense of 'he stayed in bed like a honeymooner'.

  • kevinwang 11 years ago

    Jesus, what I would give to be able to compose like that.

  • stcredzero 11 years ago

    Also, possibly the start of a design document for an interesting indie game.

  • wfn 11 years ago

    Also the words that follow the above:

    "From that moment on, everything becomes agitated. Ideas quick march into motion like battalions of a grand army to its legendary fighting ground, and the battle rages. Memories charge in, bright flags on high; the cavalry of metaphor deploys with a magnificent gallop; the artillery of logic rushes up with clattering wagons and cartridges; on imagination's orders, sharpshooters sight and fire; forms and shapes and characters rear up; the paper is spread with ink -- for the nightly labor begins and ends with torrents of this black water, as a battle opens and concludes with black powder."

devindotcom 11 years ago

Ah! I think this was recently reprinted in the "Intoxication" issue of Lapham's. Very interesting essay in a very interesting magazine. That one also turned me on to the "Coffee Cantata" of Bach:

http://coldewey.cc/post/49474192760/bach-ei-wie-schmeckt-der...

  • dang 11 years ago

    Lapham's is second to none at what they do. I wish it were more available online. Some of their web productions are beautiful, but it's so hit and miss what you can find on their site that I eventually gave up.

    • devindotcom 11 years ago

      Agree. I just subscribed, damn the expense. A wonderful publication like that is well worth a bill a year if you ask me.

tejaswiy 11 years ago

How much of this is pseudo science?

  • scythe 11 years ago

    Surprisingly, much of it appears to be accurate. Tannins can cause irritation, though more notably of the bladder (interstitial cystitis) than the stomach, and brewing finer coffee at lower temperature does indeed result in a lower tannin content. Ingesting coffee beans does in fact cause some indigestion via increased production of stomach acid, as well, and in addition to all of this caffeine works by the following two neural mechanisms:

    * it blocks the adenosine receptor type 1, whose primary function is to decrease blood pressure and heart rate in preparation for sleeping

    * it blocks the glycine receptor, whose primary purpose is to slow muscle contraction (strychnine also blocks this receptor, albeit far more strongly...)

    So the claims about the effects of coffee are, well, surprisingly accurate, though finding most of this information was hard and I wish I had peer-reviewed sources:

    http://www.ic-network.com/patient-resources/diet/diet-introd...

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/quora/2014/02/11/espresso_why_is_...

    http://www.livestrong.com/article/476658-the-effects-of-eati...

    Google Scholar seems to be getting slowly less useful; repeated searches for information on brewing methods turned up mostly information about roasting methods.

Netcob 11 years ago

"I'm not an addict, I'm a connoisseur!"

"Last night a meth connoisseur took my wallet and my mobile phone!"

benatkin 11 years ago

Funny, this is the same year the Mormon church was founded. They abstain from the consumption of coffee.

nkozyra 11 years ago

Balzac's story makes me wonder if I'll make it to 50. I'm not quite at his level, but I'm not far behind.

  • araes 11 years ago

    Do you have thick black hair and an impregnable constitution? Notably though, he was pretty focused on the toxic qualities of tannins, but most recent investigations seem to go the other way (mild antioxidant, mild anticancer effects). Maybe your zealous drinking will take you well past 50?

guiomie 11 years ago

He refers to a french "cafiot" coffee ?? I googled it but couldn't find anything. Anyone knows what it is ?

  • fiatpandas 11 years ago

    The text described that term not as a type of French coffee, but as the term the French used to describe Turkish-style coffee.

    http://www.languefrancaise.net/bob/detail.php?id=5998

    First part means: "Bad coffee made ​​with chicory." Turkish coffee is made with chicory

    • js2 11 years ago

      Turkish coffee is a method of preparation, but I have never known it to be made with chicory. Perhaps you meant cardamom?

      I've only ever had coffee made with chicory in New Orleans. Somewhat ironically, supposedly we have the French to thank for that - http://www.cafedumonde.com/coffee :-)

      • snogglethorpe 11 years ago

        ... and coffee made with chicory (mix the ground coffee with ground roast chicory and brew normally) has a very interesting flavor... I find roast chicory much closer in taste to coffee than other roast grains used as coffee substitutes—it has a fairly coffee-like bitterness, for example—but it has its own unique flavor as well, with a nice vegetal/grassy sweetness to offset the bitterness.

        You can mix it in any proportion that suits you; I like straight roast chicory too...

        It's something not everybody likes, but well-worth trying.

        [One warning though: I've found that if you let too much chicory go through a coffee-grinder (e.g. if you mix the beans with the chicory before grinding), it can gum up the grinding burrs...]

calt 11 years ago

Does anyone have a plain text transcription? I'm having trouble reading that scan.