Ask HN: What streetsmarts have you learnt?
Hey guys,
I was listening to a podcast that made me realize how I'm surrounded by book smart people and am mostly book smart myself. I'm sure this describes a lot of people here on HN.
As an aspiring entrepreneur I'm striving to become more street smart and to be able to persuade people, not get screwed over, negotiate well, create and see opportunities, be able to make things happen that other people can't etc etc.
What stories do people have of experiences, lessons, things they have seen or read that they feel have taught them some more street smarts? Would love to hear them.
The irony of looking for books on how to become more street smart is not lost on me btw.
Thanks!
The most limited resource you have is not money, it is time. One Year of your life is a HUGE piece of your life. If life expectancy is around 70, and you don't really get full control of your life until you're around 20, then you have 50 years of life that you can direct as you will. One year is a whopping 2% of that. So wasting even a year being stuck in a crappy job or otherwise undesirable situation is a bad bad deal, even if you're getting paid big money. You need to be doing whatever it is that you really want to be doing, whatever it is that you're innately wired for and drawn to ... and you need to be doing it right now. If not, then you need to be on a road that will get you there, and that road needs to have a realistic chance of getting you there very soon. Because remember, 50 years is the optimistic number. You might only have 5, or 1. Stop chasing the dollar or whatever else leads you astray, and start doing whatever it is you are "meant" to be doing. ASAP.
Just wanted to say that I just printed your comment to stick it on my wall.
Thanks for the lucid formulation. Even though I have been thinking like this all along, it is nice to have a succinct reminder.
Very Honest I support that a 100% Bless you "John Hacker Doe" :)
This is sweet and cool! am so with it...
Bring your boss options, not problems. Your boss has plenty of problems. Don't add to the collection. When you bring options, you also get the chance to influence the direction of the company. One problem at a time.
It's taken me a long time to learn this one. This will likely be the best advice in the entire thread.
That puzzles me because it's pretty conventional, "bookish" advice. It's the sort of advice you're likely to hear in any business-related course, book or blog. Try googling ' "your boss" options OR solutions "not problems" '.
I'm not saying that it's bad advice, but it's only a start, and it can fail you in many, many ways.
Edit: I realize my comment wasn't very constructive so here are some examples.
1) your girlfriend has gained weight. Instead of just telling her that straight out -- which is usually a bad idea, of course -- some people think it's a good idea to offer her "options", like offering to eat healthier with her or doing exercise together. But this won't fool your girlfriend. You're still telling her that she's fat and she very likely won't be happy about it.
Often your boss won't be happy to hear you pointing out problems no matter how good your solutions are.
Also, when you point out problems you might make other people or teams look bad, especially if your solutions are good.
2) Your boss might be a "sociopath" (not literally) and will use your "options" against you.
http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/11/11/the-gervais-principle-i...
You would be surprised how many employees come to their boss with only problems. I can tell you from experience that it is exhausting. Having some options to discuss also shows that you have given more the a cursory look at the problem.
The Gervais Principle is an awesome read, and I might even be convinced that it applies to a majority of workplaces, but that whole dynamic is one thing that people who work at startups are actively avoiding. I'm not saying it doesn't happen in startups, but it doesn't happen in successful startups (at least until >50 employees or so).
Also, fwiw, I wouldn't classify the Gervais Principle as street smarts. It's more like a parallel "bureaucracy smarts" that only makes sense in an artifically controlled environment like a large company. Whereas true street smarts are the kinds of things that would serve a street hustler just as well as an entrepreneur because they are applicable to all uncontrolled human interactions.
You make two very good points. I basically agree with everything you say above. I just have to point out that my comment wasn't intended to be an example of "street smarts" itself, but rather challenge that the grandparent post was so.
yeah I sorta got that but hijacked the response with my own agenda, hence the 'fwiw' ;)
"Often your boss won't be happy to hear you pointing out problems no matter how good your solutions are.
Also, when you point out problems you might make other people or teams look bad, especially if your solutions are good."
There is a some thought that has to go behind problem selection. Going out of one's way to find problems usually doesn't help.
Fortunately, where I work, the problems present themselves as a pain point for my bosses, which I can then offer and implement solutions. It's really the same as listening to or observing a customer and providing a solution for them.
I've usually heard this phrased as "Be a doctor, not a patient!"
Totally true, My boss keeps telling me that, "Don't come to me with Problems, Come to me with Solutions" and I think this really is a good advice, but I don't how it makes you streetsmart.
>"Don't come to me with Problems, Come to me with Solutions"
Isn't that just "don't make me work, do the work for me even if you duplicate effort when I (with my experience) could cut through to the solution I'll choose".
Track record, track record, track record, track record. Look at the track record. Track records don't lie. Track record, track record, track record.
Someone fired from all their jobs is probably going to be a menace later in some form or fashion.
Someone who ended all their relationships on bad terms is going to end on bad terms with you.
Strong starters/non-finishers are going to start strong but likely won't be able to close it out without extra help later... which you might be oblivious to, because they'd started so strongly.
Track records don't lie. Unless you're really good at spotting diamonds in the rough, don't grab someone with a bad track record for an important role in your business and life. I've learned this one the hard way too many times. I still get tempted with, "Wow, this guy/girl is so amazing, the problem must've been the other people..."
I'm trying to not do that any more. Once? Quite possibly a fluke. Twice? Maybe... Three times? That's a track record. Also, people will always say they've changed. It's probably a bad idea to be the first person to test out whether it's real or not.
Great advice. This is why it's VERY IMPORTANT to actually call references if you're considering hiring someone (or co-founding with someone, I suppose.)
<sidetracking into hiring lessons-learned...>
If you're nervous about calling, just remember that IF the person is great, their references will be falling all over themselves to tell you so. They'll be happy to talk to you. (In small companies, big companies may be HR stonewalling...) You're not bothering them, you're giving them an opportunity to tell you about this GREAT person and why you'd be insane not to hire them.
The clues are often found in the pauses, and what's unsaid. People don't like saying bad things about other people, so don't listen for that so much as cautious answers...
Eg.
"Would you hire them again?"
a) pause Uh, yeah, I'm sure we would.
versus
b) In a heartbeat. We would absolutely hire them again. I'm hoping we can someday when our department gets more funding.
Lastly, a trick when you don't reach someone on a reference call. Say who you are, and ask that they call you back if the person was incredible
That way they can send you a message without saying anything bad directly (and this happens...)
</random hiring lessons-learned>
It can be difficult to evaluate track records sometimes, and humans are particularly bad at doing so.
If you do something once or twice, it's just something that you've done. If you do something three times or more, especially in a short time frame, it becomes "that thing you always do", even if it's something that's very uncommon for you to do. Human perception is very quirky and prejudicial, keep that in mind.
I usually write full posts on this sort of thing, so I'll just pick one very simple (albeit very important) lesson I've learned the hard way:
You haven't made money until it's in the bank.
I also learned this the hard way.
I was still in high-school and it was one of my first programming gigs. Got screwed for about U$250, a small fortune for me at that time (IIRC about 3 times the monthly minimum wage in my country).
In a way it was good to have that experience early: it seems that most people don't learn that lesson unless they learn it the hard way.
Then I learned the importance of having written contracts for everything, and then later I learned that contracts can't solve the problem, only mitigate it. You have to select your clients, bill often, etc. But you have do it diplomatically, you can never suggest to your client that you think he'll possibly screw you.
Got screwed for about 10x that in high school for one of my first programming gigs and about 100x that during university.
The worst part was in the latter situation I was really expecting to be screwed over but the expected value of the situation still made it worthwhile.
Getting paid on time is surprisingly difficult.
Luckily, I learned this hard lesson vicariously from a friend.
The flip side is also important:
Pay your debts, people remember when you don't.
Or as my Dad often told me "Don't count your chickens before they hatch". This was a very important lesson for me. Don't spend money counting on "the sure thing" that is going to pay off, because often it never appears.
Yesterday I was told a story about a successful man who was asked "how did you become successful?".
"Two words", he replied. "Right decisions".
"So, how do you make the right decisions?"
"One word: experience".
"OK, so how do you get experience?"
"Two words", the man replied: "wrong decisions".
Yeah, I know. Pretty corny. :)
This is an old saw! The way he delivered it dates back to, apparently, a kind of wandering Indian sufi-style legend.
Eighty percent of success is showing up. -Woody Allen
Punctuality has paid off well for me. Seriously, show up to work on time everyday and make everyone look bad in comparison.
Customer service has also been a very valuable experience, dealing with a whole range of people. Learning the art has given me the confidence to interact with anyone, from executive to teenager, co-worker to police officer. Persuading isn't really my forte, but my bullshit detector is well honed.
My advice is get a job in a fast paced but low risk service environment that serves a range of people, the classic example is waiting tables. Master this and then use what you've learned.
IMHO, making everyone else look bad is about the worst thing you could ever do. It's highly unlikely that your manager will carry more weight in 10 (or even 2) years than everyone else you've ever worked with. Beyond that, your coworkers are a lot more likely to be your friends than your manager.
Basically, if you want to look good, do really great work and bring as many of your coworkers (and hopefully friends) into the fold as possible. When you're willing to share successes, you end up having a lot more of them, and credit will find its way to you.
Good point.
A counterpoint: people don't notice when you show up; they notice when you are still around. Determination, blah blah blah. It also means that if you train yourself to notice others it pays off.
I think "make everyone look bad" advice only applies in a specific set of job contexts where team members are essentially interchangeable, rewards are largely zero-sum, and there is a higher value placed on throughput and compliance than creativity and innovation.
This is from Jerry Weinberg, and also directly from my own experience. When you're paid to help someone accomplish a goal (whether as employee or consultant), you can only help in the areas where they are giving you permission to help. You may see some area where the company is misguided, and you may indeed have the knowledge or skill to help that area tremendously. But if they are not giving you permission to help that area, then you will only hurt yourself and the company by trying to "force" your help in that area. Stick to areas where they've given you permission, and learn to let the rest roll off your back like water off a duck. Over time, that may even gain you opportunities to help in other areas as well.
...and, perhaps, over time, you can learn more about about getting invitations into new areas.
Jerry, is that really you? Your books have taught me so much I feel like you're an old friend. Yes, learning to get those invitations is going "meta" in a very good way. I'll take any tips you have.
I really don't like the word "street smarts". Mostly because I am a book smart person. I've heard the same refrain self-proclaimed over and over again since high school "I might not get good grades, but at least I have street smarts".
Street smarts is really just a euphimism for doing bad academically. Now I do acknowledge that that there are a lot of important skills such as knowing how to sell, talk to people, make a pitch, get along,...but I would call that "social skills" or "social smarts"...not "street smarts"
Street smarts for me is literally knowing how to handle the streets...like a drug-dealer would...
Have seen this related line before:
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, I'm imaginary smart."
Well, anytime anyone proclaims themselves smart, they are, at best, insecure about their intelligence.
Declaring yourself street smart is especially ironic since an actual street smart person would be looking to conceal their true intelligence.
Well, drug dealing is a business - just not a legal one. Most of the same rules apply - there is a chapter in Freakonomics pretty much making this point (and pointing out what a pretty awful business drug dealing is for most participants).
So from that perspective I would say that drug-dealing probably does have more to do with running a normal business than any academic field.
You do realize that by saying "I'm book smart" and then devaluing "street smart," you're doing exactly the same thing, right?
Disagree vehemently, it is possible to do well in life despite having no/bad academic results. Those skills are called street smarts.
It is possible and we see it all the time...I am not denying that, but I wouldn't call it street smarts...maybe just "smarts".
Don't forget that there are likely a great many people who are neither. Most of them will claim to be street smart as cover because there are no credentials to prove one way or the other.
I have two things:
1. Just ask. Seriously. There is so much that people want but don't get simply because they don't ask and assume the person will reply negatively anyway. Asking doesn't cost anything.
2. if you can figure something out, say you can already do it. Obviously, you need to know your abilities here. But if someone asks a quote to do something in Tech X, and you think you might but haven't done anything with it...just say yes. People like confident people. and I'm sure you like new well-paying, interesting projects. (The caveat here is that you need to know what to say yes to.)
Look at people's actions, not their words, and it becomes pretty obvious what they're working towards. Some people and companies have incredible smokescreens. The most powerful smokescreens usually have to do with claims of morality, often tied to religion. The best of these smokescreens will fool almost everyone around. But if you look at actions and ignore words, you will be able to see right through such smokescreens, giving you significant insight that will help you in your situation.
if you want to get people to buy into your idea, you often have to convince them that the idea was their own.
I read something once that said you should do as many deals as possible.
In theory, whenever you do a deal (a good deal), you are getting something you want and so is the other party. So the more deals you do, the more progress you are making towards things that you want and hopefully only giving up things you are happy to give up.
I have to say I haven't done as many deals as I would like.
Part of doing deals seems to be having the imagination and experience to think about what is possible simply as habit, rather than just accepting the standard way that people do things by default. It's a hard habit to learn.
The red paper clip guy would seem to support this idea http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_red_paperclip
Always look straight ahead when at the urinal.
Overt initial intimidation is usually an attempt to mask a weakness or fundamental flaw (Thanks Dad!).
This lesson has applied equally well to middle-school brawls, sports competitions, college professors, and litigious organizations.
On crafting a good personal character there are two words: convincingness and credibility. In any situation, you must always be convincing in what you do and say, and in a way that puts you in a good light without undermining your credibility.
This doesn't just mean "don't lie" or "don't get caught lying." It means that whatever courses of action you choose to take, you have to make sure that they are convincing and congruent with the environment. A magician is very convincing.
Things aren't always about facts but about emotions, what people see, or how things appear, and about the people you surround yourself with -- the people others will see, then proceed to judge you by -- and how you handle yourself in budding relationships. Don't be afraid to accept favors and give favors without the presumption of your favor being returned. Franklin has said something on this to the effect of "ask to borrow people's books, even though you don't intend on reading it."
So true.
When someone new moved into the neighborhood, my Dad used to always go over and attempt to borrow a simple hand tool.
Keep in mind, (at that point) my father had been a mechanic in the Marines, a butcher and chef for over 20 years, and a serious cabinet-maker for over a decade. He already had every tool he needed.
His purpose was to "ask a favor" to simply start-up a conversation and a relationship. It's amazing what you can establish by simply asking a stranger for "a small favor".
reevaluate your situation often to make sure that you are getting paid per your value / not per the hour or age or need. It's important to make sure that you know your value.
I would add that you need to get paid in relation to the value you are creating for who is paying and less about your own perceived value of the work - which is usually based on totally different metrics to that of the client.
The artificial dichotomy of "book smarts" vs. "street smarts" is a poisonous one.
You could say "education" vs. "experience". I've seen company trained managers implode in tears on a sales floor, first week on the job.
Very little exists within a vacuum, whenever you make an important choice you're choosing a philosophical position. Always understand the angle of the factions you align yourself with, pick accordingly.
Things are rarely so cut and dried nowadays that you can easily understand what factions you're aligning yourself with so careful analysis is called for. Who do you work for? What do they do? Why do they do it this way? What are their dependencies, what is the ecosystem that each of these dependencies links into, and so on, and so forth.
Also, good way to analyse something from a competitive perspective too, weaknesses become clear. Everything has them, it's just a question of what's important to you.
I hope this comment is taken the right way. I don't want to boast, but I have to say some things which will sound like bragging (even though it isn't) in order explain my 'ness' =]. Furthermore, a lot of what I say may be controversial to some and won't be appreciated. Also, I can't recommend you do anything I do, because even though it works for me, it will most likely have unintended consequences for you.
I use my street smarts every day. I may say the same thing to ten people ten different ways- not because I want to `change things up,` but because I analyze and judge everyone I meet upon every occasion I have. It also helps that my verbal IQ is off the charts (and therefore placed in the 99.99th percentile). This allows me to articulate and find words that accurately represent the people I meet, and understand them more. (Please note I am dyslexic and have processing difficulties which mean how I write is not representative of my verbal IQ because I can't process fast enough while writing to say coherently what I think like I can when I am talking. <- example there)
(1) Analyze every person and remember it
The importance of what I am doing is used when I get in a sticky situation. There are two types of people, those who give excuses, and those who solve problems. I use what I learn and assume(#1) about people to describe to them in the most effective way possible what needs to be done. When I present ideas to people, I don't present ideas- I present the problem and why the idea solves it. (#1 cont. Don't tell a person what you assume about his or her character- not only is it unbecoming, it will probably piss him or her off unless it is a special circumstance)
(2) Become the person who is (known for) immediately solving problems
I, unfortunately, break a commandment more than I should. I lie. When I lie, I don't think that the most important thing is not to get caught. I think about how the lie is helpful, and how I am going to expose the lie later ESPECIALLY if the person knows I am lying. For example, I had a tutor who was approaching a subject I could not talk about for a reason I will not explain. This is the kind of guy who will not accept an "excuse" for not talking about a subject regardless of the validity. In this circumstance, talking about the subject (it was personal) would be detrimental to our working relationship and the time would be better spent working on something else..So I lied. I did not lie elaborately, but I lied in a fashion where I knew he would believe me. Three hours after he left, I wrote him an email apologizing for my lie, explaining why I did it and the benefits it had. He was not upset about it, but understanding and appreciated the honesty, ironic huh?
(3) Choose your words carefully
Nothing is free. When you accept something from a friend, even if it is explicitly spoken that no strings are attached, you owe them. Of course this may actually be the kind of person where he or she truly believes that you do not owe them anything, but expect it. When you deliver a favor, unless explicitly stated and agreed upon, the person receiving the favor owes you nothing, so don't ask for anything in return. I know, I am saying "Be the person you do not expect anyone else to be". However, if you want to enter show biz and need connections and will have to rely on people to make your way to the top, make damn sure you can rely on who you are relying on.
(4) Low expectations cost you nothing, but let you reap the benefits of positive events
Unfortunately, a lot of the rules I live by don't allow me to be an open person. I don't like to talk about myself, ect. Today, I had a very in-depth conversation with a friend who I consider to be one of my closed friends. She is one of my closed friends because I know if were in another state- and I needed a way to get somewhere else, she would drop everything and drive cross country to help me. I talked to her today about some of my problems and I brought her to tears. She explained how she feels like she didn't know me very well and how she feels like she has failed as a friend because she didn't know me better, and she wished that she could have "watched movies and ate ice creme with" me during all the times I have had trouble because of depression or my pet dying ect. because that's what she would have done. I had to explain to her that it wasn't her fault but mine for being the kind of person who isn't sharing. At the moment, lots of bad things are happening to me even though I don't deserve them (I'm not going to talk to everyone about them, but I talked to her about them), and she got very angry, and didn't understand why I am so forgiving to others. Why don't I hold grudges? Why did I forgive her for being a "bad" friend? Why am I understanding when I shouldn't be? Why don't I just accept (things)? I responded with,
(5 part 1) Forgive and Forget(However, learn the lessons of the situation.), Cut your losses, Make your next plan, and execute. [I'm clearly an introvert] (5 part 2) Most heroes fail before they become successful
Most of what I have said applies to my weird social situations. One last piece of advice which is on my mind- I have purposefully saved for last. When you are in egypt, please don't accept a tour of the mountains in the valley of the kings from a kind local (long story). Again, when you are above under-ground tombs and locals want to give you a tour. Please don't take it (long story). Furthermore, if you are going to take it, PLEASE walk behind them. (Again long story).
(6) Just because you can, doesn't mean you should - Well, that is all I can think of off the top of my head. This is unedited and probably contains errors. I can also see you saying I am FOS. But you need to realize, We all live in our own world. I'd appreciate anything anyone has to say to me- especially if you think I am FOS, but please- respond tactfully.
This was a really, really good comment. It gave me a couple ideas that makes me want to chime in -
> ... I can't process fast enough while writing to say coherently what I think like I can when I am talking...
Very common among high performers. I had lunch with an uber-businessman, from-scratch-into-hundreds-of-millions type, and he says to the waiter, "Water no cold!" He meant no ice. They figured it out. Don't worry about getting pretty words out there, get the message out there. I read a lot, have studied a lot, and lots of times I'll write or speak with bad grammar if it's easier to understand or would take longer to fix. "That ain't right" is something I say fairly often since "that ain't right" is usually the fastest way to say it when something ain't right.
> When I lie, I don't think that the most important thing is not to get caught. I think about how the lie is helpful, and how I am going to expose the lie later ESPECIALLY if the person knows I am lying.
Everyone lies. EVERYONE. The people that don't admit this are forced to rationalize their lies, or even convince themselves that they're true. I note, evaluate, and scrutinize every time I lie, and do it a hell of a lot less than most people. When I do lie, I evaluate whether it was okay there and if it was worth it, and try to figure out a way I could have not lied.
And people are very understanding of lying for good reasons. I remember telling a guy I worked with from age 19 to 21, "Hey, remember when I said I was 22 when we met...? I was 19. I just turned 21, not 24." He totally understood. He says, "I'd have done the same thing, no one takes a teenager seriously." He was... 35 at the time. People understand. If you're much younger than people at your same level, you might have to lie about your age if it comes up before the other person has gotten a chance to know you. You clear it up a few months later and no one cares, really. Though it is a bit more relaxing to not have to lie about it now.
Also, on the topic of lying, it's worth learning about how people lie. For instance, people who screw around when in committed relationships get indignant when asked how many times they've done so. "What?! Zero!" Otherwise, people shrug and say they haven't. Then, if you mention one or two times that the person told you about and ask how many again, they're say, "okay... well... just three." That's probably seven to ten. If they say five, it's probably 15. 8 is "a lot". You pick this stuff up if you pay attention to people lying and try to guess at what the truth actually is. Eventually you get a sense for it.
Two more thoughts on lying - don't put people in a position where they have to lie. So if someone's a young entrepreneur, I tell them, "Hey, I went into business at 19... I know what it's like... it's tough... how old are you?" and I do it when no one's around. If you do it in front of other people, they're going to lie, because they have to. Also, don't confront people on lying to you generally, it's not worth it. I just shrug and wait a while. If you need the real answer, ask the question in a re-phrased way where they'll be more likely to tell the truth in a few weeks. They probably will. Don't mention the discrepencies in their story, "catching" a person just royally upsets them.
> Nothing is free. When you accept something from a friend, even if it is explicitly spoken that no strings are attached, you owe them.
Yes. My rule - don't accept favors from people I don't want to do twice as much for in return.
> I know, I am saying "Be the person you do not expect anyone else to be".
Love that expression. Fantastic way of putting it.
> Forgive and Forget
This one will be the most controversial one I'll write -
Forgive and forget... 95% of the time. One time out of 20, when you're completely in the right morally, completely so, go to ridiculous ends to wreck havoc on a wrong-doer. Doing this only every so often gives you a reputation of not to be messed with, and even when people do shady/bad/questionable things in regards to you, they think a little more carefully about crossing "the line" because they don't want total war. Again, you should be so completely in the moral right that the person's grandmother would say, "Well, yes, it's bad that he's doing it, but are you really surprised after how you treated him?" His grandmother should think you're in the right. Also, I've seen it plenty of times - if you have absolutely, completely, totally no shot of winning and go (intelligently) berserk anyways... sometimes you'll win, and the reputation of doing so goes a long, long ways. "Yeah, that's so and so... good guy, very loyal, don't wrong him though. Yeah, one time he was in Hong Kong and got into a shouting match with a mob boss in McDonalds who had two of his goons there, the police had to break it up... why? The mob boss called one of the employees a fucking idiot and spit on the floor, and Sebastian said to lower his voice and clean it up..." But yeah, if you're not going to war, then forgive and forget. And once a war is over, then forgive and forget. Grudges are useless.
> I'd appreciate anything anyone has to say to me- especially if you think I am FOS, but please- respond tactfully.
Oh, but most people won't... I'd never give unsolicited advice to anyone I didn't have a really close personal relationship with, and even then, very rarely.
Great comment! I agree with just about all of it. What's the Egypt thing by the way, if you don't mind me asking? Sounds crazy.
Anecdote time!
"There are two types of people, those who give excuses, and those who solve problems."
About a year or so ago I was working at my dad's small law office when he inadvertently dropped this gem on me.
My dad is what I like to call a "financial lawyer", as he focuses mostly in bankruptcy, IRS problems, tax stuff, real estate business, litigation, and other random personal or business fiscal matters (for example, he recently took on a case to sell a whole business). He's been running his business now for a little more than 20 years, and for a while after college he worked at the IRS and a few other office jobs, so he more than knows his way around the bureaucracy of working with the government and other large institutions, but it was the way he so deftly displayed this that made it so impressive to me at the time.
So some person wanted to buy or sell a house using him as their representation, and as part of doing this you need to get a form called something along the lines of an "Anti-Predatory Lending Agreement" that you get by mailing or faxing some form to some office where it is somehow approved, and once you have that you can move on with the process of closing. We faxed in our part of getting this done 3-4 weeks in advance even though it is only supposed to take 3-5 business days to get it back approved (assuming everything is in order). About 2 weeks later we still hadn't gotten this form back, so we called in to get the status of the document, and they had us fax it again labeled urgent this time. Another week passed and we still hadn't gotten the document back, so we checked in a second time, sent one more, and another few business days passed without receiving anything. At this point the deadline requiring the document was looming in just a few days, so I called again checking on its status, and basically got nothing.
I reported back to my father to tell him the bad news, then took as seat at the other desk in his room to work on some letters. He sat for a few minutes brewing and quietly mulling over the situation before calling up the office to try and take care of the situation, and after a few minutes got in touch with the person who was supposed to be handling our file. This is how the conversation panned out (with liberties taken assuming what specifically was said on the other side of the phone):
[introductory banter]
Dad Lawyer: So ok, how is this predatory lending agreement coming along? Office Guy: Well we've had a busy week but we should be able to have it to you in a few days. DL: A few more days? We need this agreement like _tomorrow_ or we will have to postpone the closing. OG: Well Sir, it takes around 3 to 5 business days for us to process the forms before we can get them back to you... DL: 3 to 5 days? We sent it the First time more than 2 weeks ago. OG: Hmmm... sometimes forms get misplaced or lost altogether,... DL: Yes, and then we sent our Second form early last week, and our Third form early this week. This is getting ridiculous! OG: ... I'm not sure what I can do to help you Sir...
// At this point, something clicked to my dad and somehow through his experiences in the past he got it. Without raising his voice, his tone changed from exasperation to what I can only fully describe as his "alpha male" voice: a calm, controlled forcefulness.
DL: I see... Listen, I know you don't do too much around your office, but right now that isn't really working out for me very well. I know theres a guy at your office who actually Does work, because theres a guy at every office who actually Does work. What I need you to do is connect me to that guy, because otherwise this just isn't going to get done.
!!! I had barely been listening up to that point, but when his tone changed and I heard that, I basically did a full about-face out of surprise. Pretty sure the guy on the other line was just as shocked as I was and tried to muster a response, but my dad didn't have any of it and just asked to talk to "that guy". I expected he would be put through to a manager or supervisor who would then take care of the situation, but as it turns out he actually just got put through to "that guy", and no more than 3 or so hours later one of his secretaries walked into his office and handed him the lending agreement. He turned around to me grinning like a madman and I couldn't help but laugh, the situation seemed too unreal, but I learned that day (though I may not be able to pull it off quite like he did) that it just isn't worth bothering working with the excusers. If you need to rely on people to get stuff done for you, make sure you have people who actually get stuff done.
What's 'FOS' ?
Full of shit.
My philosophy about lying is like this: first of all, I must be honest with myself. Then, there are one or two people in my life to whom I just don't lie. I think we all should have a friend to whom we can tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." Concerning other people, I try to lie the minimum necessary to get away with it. There are some people to whom one must lie (i.e. government officials).
May sound simplistic:
* Communicating with others what you feel.
* It is mostly chaos, everywhere.
* Do not drop your ideas thinking "Its so simple, someone must have already done it." People do much less that what you may expect"
* A very very small percentage of people within any system understand the "full picture"
When dealing with someone, especially a co-worker, tell them about their mistakes privately and praise their succeses in public.
Just wanted to say this is one of the best Ask HN topics ever.
I wish I had some street smarts to distill down to a comment, but it's difficult.
At 31 I feel like I'm getting my feet under me in that department a little bit. When I look back at myself at 21 it's almost embarrassing how naïve I was. I guess the biggest thing for me was just thinking more actively about other people's interests and motivations. It's sort of disillusioning and machiavellian in a way, but if you don't you will get taken advantage of.
Mine: 1. Loose lips sink ships 2. There is no deal until a contract is sign, and then once a contract is signed, no deal until the check cashes. 3. Have a good attorney
The biggest thing I've learned over the years is to take into account different perspectives in any sort of situation. Whether it is conflict resolution or negotiations, you open up possibilities when you look at things in someone else's shoes. This also works great in problem solving. When I get stuck on a problem, I think about how a person admire might tackle the problem.
Developing the core functionality is only 30% (or less) of the work, creating a finished product requires a lot of spit and polish!
Those are some pretty rough streets you run in.
People often criticize of their own weaknesses.
When making a sales pitch to solve a problem, confidence is everything.
Intelligence is not a scalar quantity.
When on the receiving end of a sales pitch, make sure that the technical guy making the pitch are actually responsible for the delivery.
Marketing and sales are generally more important than technology.
From my grandfather: Be good if you can, and if you can't, then be good at it. Be good if you can, and if you can't, then name it after me. Be good if you can, and if you can't, don't get caught. Be good if you can, and if you can't, have fun.
I've learned three things.
1) Most of the time stuff works itself out so long as you don't let it worry you too much.
2) Being sincerely polite, courteous and helpful will take you a long way
3) If you get trod on, snap their foot off and beat them into submission (metaphorically).
If you are buying something by weight, bring a scale with you.
To prevent people from stalling or from providing poor service, find something to threaten them with. Examples that I find myself saying frequently: "Let me talk to your boss", "I will report you to the authorities", "If you don't follow through on your end of the bargain, I'm going to take you to court."
A similar tactic: when bargaining, pull out the money that you're willing to pay, say "I'm willing to give you this much for that item, if you don't accept it, I'm leaving" - and then leave if they don't immediately accept. Usually you will have what you want at the given price within the minute.
Many of the replies so far are more 'general life advise' answers. To me 'street smarts' is what the rich people that I know are - none of them have degrees, but they're all wealthier than the educated people like doctors, lawyers, engineers etc. around here. These are all people who run retail or wholesale businesses, small chains of Walmart-style shops, building materials, run contracting/real estate development companies, even fast food joints - that sort of thing. These people can't tell Australia from Africa if you give them a map, and none of them have ever heard about a sine or integral or Pointcare's conjecture, yet they drive Maseratis and have dozens of properties. Why did these guys succeed and others businesses fail or barely make enough to live off? That is what street smarts is to me, what these entrepreneurs have that made their businesses a success, and what others lacked.
Anyway in trying to identify the nature of this street smarts, I have analyzed some of these people that I know, asking them questions that are still appropriate (i.e., not straight-out asking them about money) and don't make me look like a weirdo as much as I could, and keeping in mind a certain sort of anti-intellectualism that many of them exhibit (and that, in some cases, has paid off very well for them). I recognize that my thought processes are so far away from theirs that it's very easy to fall back into cargo-cult imitation, but still, I think that a large part of their success is in their deal-making capabilities. This breaks apart in two phases: phase one is connecting to the right people, phase two is making the actual, concrete deal.
Phase 1 is facilitated by having a large network, just knowing many people, and this is done by being a person that people want to be around with - be a nice guy, but not a pushover, be confident, dominant without being an asshole, and be in general nice to be around. This is a hard challenge to me, it isn't easy to get to know as many people as possible, letting them know what you do and finding out what they do, and making that all happen naturally. E.g. it's easy to 'meet' random people by chatting them up in the supermarket - but how will you tell them what business you're in? Smalltalk about the weather will only get you so far, how do you (efficiently, i.e. without turning them into full-blown friends with the associated time investment) get them to the point where they remember you as the go-to guy in your line of business, or get them to the point where you can call them when you need something, so that you always have an 'acquaintance' for whatever you need, who you can call?
Then there is phase 2, which can basically be summed up by "at any point in any any negotiation, you need to remain willing to drop everything and just walk away". This means being very aware of cognitive biases such as loss aversion etc. You have to be tough as nails here - be on friendly terms with people, so that they want to help you out, yet not exploit them because that will blow your relationship with them. You have to get people to a point where they are happy if they can do you a favor.
This is already getting too long, but let me share with you one (in my opinion) example of 'street smarts' that the Belgian and German readers will recognize: the soccer keeper (goalie) Jean-Marie Pfaff. He used to be the keeper for the Belgian national team, he also played for Bayern Munchen in the 90's I think. Anyway he has a reality TV show now, his daughters are models and kinda famous so they all ride the tails of his fame now, kinda like Hulk Hogan.
Anyway like I said, he has this reality TV show. In one episode, and this really struck me, there was a guy who was living in the same village as Jean-Maria and he came to the door of his villa, rang the bell and dropped off a bag of potatoes. Not ordered or anything, he had just harvested, has potatoes, and thought to drop off this bag. He was so eager to please this rich/famous guy that he'd out of nowhere brought him a 3 euro bag of potatoes. That, to me, means that this Pfaff guy has street smarts - he manages to be so likable that people that they do thing they'd not do for others.
Degree or not, no one will have heard of "pointcare's" conjecture. However, I do not have a college degree, but I am familiar with the Poincaré conjecture.
;)
100% agree with parent. I guess I subscribe to more or less the same notion of what street smarts are.
To me it's all about people and relationships. The older I get the more I evidence I have in support of this simple fact.
I was a CS major once, and I thought it was all about technology. That it was technology that changed the world and drove progress, saved the day and dashed out miracles. I thought that building something created meaning and brought satisfaction to the builder, and naturally I also believed that good builders were the most successful ones. But it's not that. The successful builder is the one who understands those he is building it for and those he is building it with. That's what sets success apart. Then there is socioeconomic background and all that.
Understand life is precious. Value other people. Never be a means to an end for someone else. If you are, get out of that situation as soon as you can.
Hold your ground for things that matter. If you think something matters think about whether the things you thought mattered 5 years ago still matter as much now. Pore over your decisions, and learn from your mistakes.
Learn what motivates people. This is especially hard to do when you are an introvert, which many people with engineering background tend to be. The reason it's difficult is because most people are motivated by other things. Once you get a handle on what motivates those around you, learn to motivate and influence other people. I don't mean use, I mean lead. I don't mean cheat, I mean compromise.
Separate business and family life. This goes back to knowing what really matters. Jobs come and go. You only get a few shots to surround yourself with the right kind of people for the long run.
No matter what you do, never lie to yourself. This is probably the worst thing you can do, as far as I am concerned. Much better to live with not so pleasant truth than to live a life of self-deception.
Just my 2c.
"at any point in any any negotiation, you need to remain willing to drop everything and just walk away".
That is the key to getting a good deal and something that my father always taught that I had a hard time learning as a shy introvert. Taking it a step further, a person ought also to learn to not care what other people think. If they're being assholes to you, don't let it influence you.
Have compassion. Without compassion, I would not have saved someone very close to me from debilitating alcoholism, I would not have worked my life around to be able to work on a startup for the past six months (and know I will have the support to make it from those around me). All those 'smart' actions, words are only sustainable if they are the consequence of something deeper.
The longer it takes to learn a lesson the harder it will be when you do.
Here's what I've learned - pretty much all the hard way.
I guess most people will focus on business facts, but underneath all those are human facts… and those lessons are what I consider the most valuable.
1a. Life is suffering. No, really. Accept it and then you realize that basically to have a body & a consciousness is to suffer, and a lot of it is unavoidable. Then you don't feel like just cuz something hurts, you have to change it. Nerves will always hurt. Once you can accept it, you can stop wasting your time on the pointless shit.
1b. Emotions are like weather, sometimes they don't mean anything… and just because you feel something, doesn't make it true. (Good OR bad.) Just because you feel like something is happening TO you, doesn't make that true, either. It's usually not actually about you. And if you assume that good feeling = good thing/I'm right, or that bad feeling = bad thing/this is wrong, you'll be analytically hobbled.
(These sounds harsh, but think about it.)
2. Most people don't live their lives by deliberately examining their actions & beliefs and deciding what they want to live up to. If they have integrity, it's often by 'accident,' not design, so if you deal with a person who works with integrity once, they may not next time. There's no point in blaming them if you assume wrongly about them.
3. Some people think on, & play, a meta-game. If you don't, you have to learn, because there will be people around you playing at 30 levels deep and if you just believe the surface level, you will come away with an incomplete picture.
4. Really failing, getting kicked in the face by life, is awesome, because you can only know how much you can do when you have to crawl up from rock bottom. I could go broke and become homeless tomorrow, and it would suck, but I wouldn't be afraid. I could work my way up (again). But before the 1st time, I was terrified all the time by nameless middle class angst about the silliest little things, because I had never been tested, and I had never proven myself.
5. We're all human, so we all have the same basic flaws. People live locked up in their own little heads, thinking they are better or worse than other people, not realizing that's just a trick of being only aware of your own consciousness. It's also easy to look at other people who have a great-looking or terrible-looking life on the surface, and make incorrect assumptions about what's going on inside them, and how they got there. Your problems, flaws, limitations, are not special, and neither is your defense of them. (And neither are other people's.)
6. Being true, having integrity, and loving people are the best things in life. Consciously deciding to have integrity and take responsibility for my life was the most important thing I ever did. Consciously deciding to stop letting my fear of social situations conquer me, and go out there, and expose myself, and be the friend I wanted to have, led to the first true friends I'd ever had (and many more after that). And consciously deciding to stop beating myself up over mistakes I'd made, to look at them, accept them, and understand that I'm only human, made a huge difference in my well-being.
7. When you've suffered, don't look at other people suffering and say "Well, I did it, why shouldn't they?" -- think expansively, givingly, compassionately. Everyone will be happier.
8. It's almost impossible to help people if you don't understand people. But truly understanding yourself, 100%, and being mindful in your daily life, will help you understand what it is to be human, because you will see all your little evasions, flaws, wiggling -- and your pleasures, joys, and little moments of happiness and insight.
9. (And, by the way, the best products show a true understanding of what it means to be human.)
I consider people my mission.
Life is _not_ suffering.
* When I am unhappy it is because I'm focusing on what I am not, and what the end result should be.
* If I focus on the process and the problem at hand, and I focus really hard, I will not have any more brainpower to think about things that make me unhappy. I get absorbed in the moment, and nothing else matters, but what I'm doing right now.
* Also, if I focus on the process, I will be able to give the best solution I'm capable of, because greedy, envious and ego-driven feelings will not distract me.
I do not see (rationally speaking), how I can get unhappy if I manage to keep this mind state.
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/srikumar_rao_plug_into_you...
Emotions are like weather. You can stick to your regimen forever, and you're still going to feel down sometimes, even if for absolutely no reason at all. That's totally normal cycles of chemistry.
And yes, life is suffering. You stub your toe. You think it's too cold, or too hot. Somebody doesn't look at you the way you want. Your tummy hurts. You constantly have to 'battle' against focusing "on what you're not," for example. You have a hard time focusing. You look at books, things, places, scenes, and people (hey, and HN comments) and they feel WRONG. You don't like them. You judge them. You judge everything by your yardstick.
That is all suffering.
That's the human condition: judging, and struggling, and hurting.
It doesn't say there aren't OTHER things, but the suffering is always there.
That, and the sheer sum of suffering vastly trumps pleasure in the world. And not just in humans -- there is a lot of cruelty in nature.
Pain can also be condensed much more easily than pleasure, to maddening heights.
It seems very whimsical to say that suffering is not one of the main defining features of the current situation on planet earth. And to say so is to blatantly ignore not only your own suffering, but the world's. Think about how tiny hope was compared to everything else that was let out of Pandora's box.
>>> You constantly have to 'battle' against focusing "on what you're not,"
Well, I don't have to. If I focus on the problem I'm facing probably I will be happy with the outcome.
One thing is for sure: My "focusing on the problem" self can beat my "focusing on what I wish I'd be" self any day.
Programming helps here. I got a lot better at doing this in everyday things when i got a lot better at programming.
The term "suffering" in the GP's post should, IMO, be understood as "pain", which is nowadays more tuned-up to the Buddhist/Nietzschian concept of suffering. Maybe we westerners have identified too much the term "suffering" to "sadness", the latter being the worst, most passive way with which one can react to pain.
Thanks, that's exactly what I meant. I didn't think about how many people were unfamiliar with the definition in the Buddhist/Nietzschian sense, as you put it :)
I definitely don't mean that life is sadness. I mean that life is absolutely full of little pains, and big ones, from losing people you love to being aggravated that your thermostat is hard to use, to not being able to find your keys, to wishing it wasn't raining right now.
That's definitely all suffering, in the Buddhist sense. And I don't believe anyone who says they don't suffer.
I don't think the parent meant it that way. I guess what he really meant was that something or the other will always be wrong. Ignore the small things and focus on fixing the larger problems.
BE SO GOOD THEY CANT IGNORE YOU
It seems your philosophy is more along the lines of "Be so loud they cant ignore you" :)
People are always acting in their self-interest, whether they're aware of it or not.
If you're going to engage in criminal behavior, don't: if something goes wrong you have no recourse.
Hitting people with a house brick makes them stop chasing you.